I was out to dinner the other day with a large group of people and as I scanned across the table, I noticed about half of them had their cell phones out. The phones were either sitting on the table in clear vision, or were currently in use, either being shared with others, or used individually to "step out" of the dinner conversations.

I won’t lie … at one point I was one of those people. I pulled my cell phone out to share my recent Halloween adventure with my friends and as I was shutting off the phone, I noticed I had a few more new emails waiting in my inbox.

Every time my iPhone has a new phone call, a new text message, or an unread email, a red dot appears on each application to notify me of the item. I came up with the term, "Red Dot Syndrome;" the strong need to address every new item (to make the red dots disappear) and the inability to set the cell phone down until the red dots go away.

I must admit, I frequently suffer from this "Red Dot Syndrome" where I have the desire (and need) to make each red dot disappear. While at dinner, I was tempted to leave the table mentally, review the recent emails and dive into a conversation through text messages, but I had to tell myself no and set the phone down.

My friends and I often joke about this so-called syndrome, but it is an issue for many people and is impacting many relationships.

My cell phone is a part of my everyday life: I check my email, I send quick text messages to friends and family, I play Words With Friends with my extended family, I take photos of fun items, I update social media for business, I check the traffic, I listen to music, I check the weather, etc. This list is endless.

My awareness of my own "Red Dot Syndrome" helps me know when I need to put the phone down and leave those annoying red dots for later. But for many people, setting the phone down can be a very big challenge. As a therapist, I hear on a weekly basis how people can feel uncomfortable when their partner or friends pick up their cell phones and begin texting or checking Facebook.

Etiquette for Cell Phones and Relationships:

1. Don’t Use your Phone on a Date: Avoid having your cell phone out or text messaging during a date … especially a first date! A quick sneak peak at your phone can send a message that you are not interested in the other person, or really don’t have respect for what they feel or say. It is also be rude, plain and simple. Texting someone else or updating your Facebook status can feel as if you "left" the date, went into a completely other world, yet pop back in here-and-there. Avoid texting at all costs. If you have some sort of compulsive issue with your phone, leave it in the car or turn it to OFF. Avoid being tempted.
2. Stay at Dinner, not in CyberSpace: Dinner, or any type of eating time, is known for having a significant impact on relationships and families to stay strongly connected. Remember the saying, "Out of sight, out of mind?" No matter if you are at home having dinner with your partner, or out to lunch with a friend, keep your phone in your pocket or in your purse. Be aware of your "Red Dot Syndrome" and make an extra effort to carve out the one hour for the connection and think less about cyberspace or texting.
3. Cell Phones are a TURN-OFF: Some people use their phones as alarms to wake up in the morning. Don’t use your cell phone as an alarm if you can’t simply turn it off afterwards. The bed is an intimate place; keep it that way. Avoid making it a habit to read Facebook updates or surf the web while in bed. Couples can’t get intimate when a cell phone is the central focus. Make space to connect, cuddle and be playful in the bedroom.
4. Don’t Have Two Conversations at Once: Texting one person while hanging out with another person is a juggling act. Think of text messaging in the company of someone else as having two conversations at once. It can be very hard to keep complete focus on one or the other. If you are with one person, make every effort to spend all your focus on that one conversation. If you must send a text message, make it short and do it in a time where you can physically step out of conversation.
5. No Text-Fighting: Don't use your phone as a fighting tool! If you get upset with a friend or partner, don’t shoot off a text message when you are in the heat of the moment. Don’t let your friend or partner "guess" what type of tone you are using or the level of your mood. Calm your nerves, think about what you’d like to say, and wait until you are face-to-face.

Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego with a private practice in Mission Valley. She has appeared as a Relationship Expert in Redbook Magazine, Martha Stewart Publications – Whole Living Magazine, Social Work Today Magazine, San Diego local news stations, and more. To learn more relationship advice from the author Jennine Estes MFC#47653, visit her relationship column Relationships in the Raw or her San Diego Couples Therapy website.