I see more and more couples walking into my therapy office lately with a common theme: Facebook and how it has become an avenue to many problems in their relationships.

For example, if a couple is struggling with jealousy, partners may be more prone to "reading between the lines" when they see a friend wink to a post.

Or an emotionally unfulfilled partner may reach out for comfort to others online, because their partner is unavailable. Or maybe you don't want to have your same-sex relationship exposed online, but your partner feels hurt by the relationship being hidden.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love social networking and I enjoy keeping in contact with others. At the same time, this online community does create a place where relationship dynamics surface.

Most of the relationship issues I see get magnified with the addition of an online community. But Facebook isn't the problem ... how you go about handling the stress in the relationship is the real issue.

Here are a few tips on how to prevent Facebook from driving a wedge into your relationship:

• 1. Get Your Relationship On Track: Evaluate your relationship and how strong you two are as a couple right now. If there are any stressors, old wounds, communication problems, or unmet needs, this is the time to fix those issues, before adding in further complications, like Facebook.

  Address those issues head on, either by meeting with a therapist, reading relationship books together, or even reaching out to friends. Once the two of you feel more secure with one another, then journey into the online social networking world together, as a team.

• 2. Degrees of Out-ness:
Each person has their own level of comfort when it comes to being "out" on Facebook. Discuss any differences you each may have about sharing your relationship status and how much information you want posted on your wall. Tell your partner what you do and do not feel comfortable with sharing online.

If you want to write something like, "I absolutely love everything about you" on your partner's wall, ask about your partner's comfort level, first. Some family members may not be as supportive with your same-sex relationship as your partner's family. Talk about the differences and how you two want to handle each situation so there are no surprises.

• 3. Create a Gay-Friendly Setting:
You may have several sets of friends; old friends from high school, acquaintances who know nothing about you, friends with whom you don't hold any thoughts back, and colleagues. Take your own stress away and change your privacy settings.

Instead of omitting information about your life or hurting your partner's feelings by withholding the relationship, create various friend lists that allow you to control who sees each post. Create a gay-friendly friends list, where you can be "out" and share photos of the two of you. Not only will this prevent any pains with others, it can be a great way to show how proud you are of your relationship.

• 4. Check-in with Your Partner and Share how You Feel:
Social networking sites are great at rekindling old relationships or keeping in touch with people who live far away. Other times, these online connections can open up avenues to connect with old lovers, exes, crushes, or even friends that may be threatening to the relationship.

If your alarm goes off with a specific online friend, check in with your partner, first. Don’t start sneaking around, investigating, and doing your own research. It will only create a space where your mind will make up a thousand worst-case scenarios and leave the relationship feeling on edge.

Give your partner an option to reassure you, clarify, and take appropriate action. Share how you feel. Remember, your partner can’t read your mind and you shouldn't jump to conclusions simply because of a one-sentence post.

• 5. Keep Things Very Clear!
The two sentence status posts can be very deceiving and doesn’t show the full nature of your world. The few words of a status update or a comment to a friend's post can be easily taken out of context, misinterpreted, or misconstrued. Take an extra step to be very clear on what you mean.
• 6. Don't Air Your Dirty Laundry:
Avoid airing your relationship's dirty laundry, or even your personal distresses, on your status update. Not all your social networking friends need to know that you two had a fight last night, or that you are unhappy on a daily basis.

Make sure you and your partner are on the same page about sharing relationship issues. Avoid posting comments that are"emotional" or reactive. Make more posts about your day, something funny, or one of your challenges at work, to be safe.

• 7. Err on the Side of Caution:
Be extremely cautious when deciding to be friends with an old crush, or interacting with someone that you once had feelings for. The innocence of a friendship may bring up insecurities in your partner, or even create the possibility for a communication that can cross the line. Think twice about how often you connect with others, or who you are connected to on the social sites.
• 8. Post Photos of the Two of You:
To give an extra sense of reassurance to your partner, post photos of the two of you to make your partner feel included and that you are proud of the relationship. If you only post photos of you and friends, it can give the wrong message and create a sense of insecurity in your lover.

Avoid hurt feelings and show clearly how proud you are of the relationship. Photos speak very loudly. But once again, keep in mind your partner's comfort level about being out online - see tip #2, above.

• 9. Decrease the Amount of Time You Spend Online:
Don’t spend too much time on social networking sites. Spending more time on Facebook than you do for face-to-face time may come across as if you are having a love affair with Facebook and less concerned with the relationship.

Show your partner that THEY are your priority and the online friendships come second. Avoid using social networking when you two are spending time together, going to bed together, or waking up together.

• 10. Don’t Get Sidetracked:
If you are easily distracted, avoid having your phone as easy access. Getting distracted with Facebook can be a redflag to your partner and get in the way of you two connecting. Actions speak louder than words. Stay focused on your day and avoid getting lost in cyberspace.
• 11. Know Your Limits:
If you aren't feeling close with your partner or feeling a sense of loneliness, you may be in a sensitive place where your heart may get sparked simply by a little wink or post from an online friend.

If you are emotionally unfilled, don't avoid the situation by going online. Instead, seek couples counseling, face the problems straight on and resolve them right away. Be aware of your emotional state and set limits on who you can and cannot reach out to, for comfort.

• 11. Make an Agreement:
Set up guidelines for who is okay to be friends with on the site. Get on the same page about what you both consider appropriate and not appropriate to interact with. Is there someone you two should block? Work as a team and create agreements regarding who and who not to interact with online.
• 12. Relationship Status Does Matter:
We all function differently and each person may have their own comfort level with declaring their relationship status. You may be fine with having your relationship status not visible, but your partner may care, or vice versa. If you don't like that your partner's status isn't appearing at all, share your feelings with them.

Be considerate and try to avoid any hurt feelings. Avoid selecting "It's complicated" if the status isn't really complicated. And for those of you who are notorious for weekly breakups, don't change your relationship status and be dramatic. Wait it out.

Remember, you can prevent a lot of relationship stress with Facebook. You just simply need to make an extra effort to create a safe place for your partner. Show them that they matter, that there is nothing to worry about, and give extra reassurance, if necessary.

Check in with your partner and see if anything upsets them. You can't read their mind, but you can talk about it and open up a dialog, to prevent problems from coming up.

Jennine Estes is a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego with a private practice in Mission Valley. She has appeared as a Relationship Expert in Redbook Magazine, Martha Stewart Publications – Whole Living Magazine, Social Work Today Magazine, San Diego local news stations, and more. To learn more relationship advice from the author Jennine Estes MFC#47653, visit her relationship column Relationships in the Raw or her new San Diego Couples Therapy website.