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Trans* surgeries don't make the man (or woman)

There's a certain amount of run-of-the-mill tact and respect for privacy that starts to vanish when someone comes out as trans*. I'm consistently surprised by the kinds of questions people ask me about my partner, and by the things they say to her or us. One of my favorites is when people tell her how lucky she is that she doesn't have to deal with periods or cramping. I always think, "Yeah, she's really jazzed that she doesn't get to experience fertility and won't ever have the ability to carry a child.

Life Beyond Therapy: High drama relationships

You’ve probably heard some people describe their relationships as “high drama.” I googled “drama” and found some interesting definitions:

- a crisis, spectacle, thrill, sensation or disturbance;

- any number of situations that have an easy solution, which would bring a fairly good outcome, but [high drama people] usually choose another, shitty, bad way to deal with it, like backstabbing, blackmailing/gossiping/betraying their friends; and,

- an exciting, emotional or unexpected event.

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Life Beyond Therapy: How to be (and have) a good friend

In this world of Scruff, Grindr, Mister and all the other social/hookup apps, sex seems to be an awfully high priority. Sometimes, I wonder if the art of friendship is getting lost. After all, if we can’t enjoy each other’s company and be good to each other, sex isn’t going to be very good, no matter how hot the person we’re with is.

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Life Beyond Therapy: The only diet that works

Pool parties. Pride. Hot weather. Less clothing. We want to look good, particularly at this time of year. Many of us want to lose weight. Work out more. Eat healthier. It seems we try everything to look good.

We work so hard to change how we look on the outside, but we forget about the inside. We think that if only we found the perfect diet/exercise plan, that we’d become the person we’ve always wanted to be.

It doesn’t work that way. The only diet that works is one of no more negative thoughts about yourself.

For example, no more self-talk like:

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Study: Children of gay parents happier and healthier than their peers

Children raised by same-sex couples have better health and well-being in comparison to their peers, according to a groundbreaking new study which is being billed as the largest of its kind.

Life Beyond Therapy: Hooked on twinks?

Dear Michael:

I am 38 years old, handsome and successful. My problem is that only young guys turn me on. I like them between the ages of 21–24. Guys over 27 do nothing for me.

Unfortunately, the guys I like are too young for a long-term relationship, so I’ve had a series of short relationships. But what I really want is a long-term relationship.

Am I doomed to be hooked on twinks as I get older and older? And why does the thought of being with someone my age terrify me? I’m ready to grow up (I think).


—Total Twink Fixation

Dear TTF:

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Indian Sikh family shares with the world their love for openly gay son

An Indian Sikh family with an openly gay son speak out for gay rights in a video posted on Vimeo.

The short but sweet video features Harcharan and Kamlesh Bagga speaking in Hindu, with English subtitles, and sharing their love and support for their gay son. The video was made for the newly launched Asian Pride Project.

“Too often our children are shunned, ostracized and discriminated against in our community. It's time to take a stand to really support your children, my children, our children," the mother says.

Why gay families lag straight families on retirement savings

Same-sex couples with kids lag behind their heterosexual peers in funding retirement savings accounts, found an Allianz study released this week.

Gay and lesbian couples with kids had an average of $210,700 in their retirement accounts, compared with $251,100 for heterosexual couples with children. (Meanwhile same-sex families without kids lapped both groups, with $310,700.)

Gay couples struggle with finances after DOMA ruling

Since the U.S. Supreme Court struck down a ban a year ago, getting married has become a whole lot easier for same-sex couples. Managing their finances, though, remains a challenge.

When the Supreme Court repealed the Defense of Marriage Act in June 2013, roughly 215 financial planners were certified by the College for Financial Planning to advise on issues pertinent to same-sex couples. Although that number of Accredited Domestic Partnership Advisors (ADPA) has more than doubled in the last year, enrollment in these programs may have tapered off.

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Life Beyond Therapy: Feeling younger — growing older

Some of us spend a lot of time and money to look younger than we are. We want to convince other people that we’re not our biological age. While this can be an amusing — and expensive — game, it seems to me that we’re missing the point. Isn’t it more important to feel younger as we grow older?

If our biological age is 40, we look 30 but feel 80: What’s the point?

In my experience, most people who live long and healthy lives have a purpose: They’ve found a meaningful place for themselves in the world they live in.

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